Pearl: Daddy, help!! King: Pearl!! Can no one stop this madness? You two, my apologies. SpongeBob: Well, I guess this is it, Patrick. King: How dare you defile my house, demon! Princess Pearl! I'm coming Pearl. These strangers have come to rescue us, like in the prophecy. And are sent by the king to rid the lamenting town of the evil dragon controlled by the one-eyed wizard. King: How long has that been there? Pearl: The story tells of two brave knights who fall from the sky. King: What prophecy? Pearl: The one above your head. Guards! Pearl: Father, you must spare me. Patrick: I'm not sure that there's anything I can add at this point. King: That's because you're witches who were sent by Planktonimor to destroy me. La la la la la la la la la la la!♪ King: Guards, send these slanderers to the guillotine. Twas all your fault and tis a pity, you are bad you are to blame, now hang your kingly head in shame La la la la la la la la la la la!♪ Squidly, SpongeBob & Patrick: ♪The king is bad, the king's to blame, he hangs his kingly head in shame. Like letting a dragon burn down our city, a horrible sight that wasn't pretty. ♪Oh hear me king for I must sing, how you are the greatest at everything. King: And why have you brought this fool back into me throne room? Squidly: If your majesty may be so kind, I think I have a song that will answer all your questions. King: How dare you bark at me in that tone, knave! I am the feared ruler of this kingdom and will be addressed as such. King: Well don't just stand there, send 'em in. Henchman: Your highness, the dungeon master has brought the prisoners you asked for. You wouldn't want another leech treatment, would you? Sluggo the Leech: Meow. Pearl: Father, remember your blood pressure. Not one of me best knights have been able to defeat him. His insidious dragon's destroyed half the kingdom. What to do? What to do? (bawling) Pearl: Father, what are thou going on about now? King: Oh, just the same ol' thing dear daughter. Thou does not knowest what thou art missing. SpongeBob: Squidly, uhh, maybe you should wait for the king to hear that. Isn't that right, Squidly? Squidly: Absolutely. Dungeon Master: Why should I take him? SpongeBob: Because, umm, Squidly has thought of some brilliant songs for the king and he just has to hear them. Patrick: Yay! SpongeBob: Wait, we don't leave without Squidly. Hospitals, schools, retirement homes, and even ye olde bowling alley.♪ Citizen: Not the bowling alley! SpongeBob: Knights, jesters, dragons, medieval bowling alleys, 12th century? Don't you see, Patrick? We really are in medieval times! Patrick: Oh no, I think I left the water running at home! Dungeon Master: The king wants a word with you two. Patrick: What's that? Squidly: ♪The evil wizard's dragon is here. Then I told one bad joke and the king had a stroke and now I hang from ye ol' rafter.♪ Patrick: What does a guy have to do get some mutton around here? I'm starving! Squidly: Don't hold thy breath! We'll be lucky if we get fed again by the 12th century! SpongeBob: They sure do take their role-playing seriously around here. SpongeBob: Wow, what'd you do? Squidly: I'll show you. Or at least I was until I royally messed up. Does thou talketh to me? Squidly: Scoff not, young squire. SpongeBob: Squidward, what are you doing here? Squidly: Does thou talketh to me? SpongeBob: Good one, Squidward. If I never play with ease, may my own great-great-great-great-great-great- great grandson be cursed ten-fold. Squidly: Oh, blast this confounded instrument. SpongeBob: Gee, Pat, these props sure are convincing. Horseman: Silence, heathen! SpongeBob: Ah! I get the point. SpongeBob: Whoa, they really go that extra mile for authenticity. Horseman: Arrest these traitors for committing the act of witchcraft by falling from the sky. SpongeBob: Look, some employees from the restaurant came to help us. SpongeBob: Mr seahorse, sir, you're gentle on beginners, aren't you? Patrick: SpongeBob, help! Crowd: Take his head off! SpongeBob: I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask for a bathroom break! Patrick! Patrick: Glad that's over. SpongeBob: Pat, do you know how to ride a seahorse. Royal Henchman: You won't be watching the joust, you're in the joust. SpongeBob: Isn't this exciting, Patrick? To think, we'll be watching the joust this close up. It appears that the pink starfish and the yellow sponge are our lucky contestants tonight. By royal decree, we ask that two audience members come forth and participate in the, uhh, royal joust. Medieval Queen: Maury, you're suppose to announce the jousting tournament! Medieval King: Good evening, fair patrons of medieval moments. SpongeBob: How's that mutton, Patrick? Patrick: Me thinks it's mutton-tastic. SpongeBob: Excuse my good man, I believe thou meant to say "Righteth this wayeth". You're just 20 wizard spaces from swords, sorcery and bad hygiene. SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick, it's almost time for the joust.
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